did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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