I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
