Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
