Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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