I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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