She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
