Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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