Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
