so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
