I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
