awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
