At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
