I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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