They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i dont even know how to be here
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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