her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
