i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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