Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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