If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
