It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
