This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
