Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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