so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
