You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
