Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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