I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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