If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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