Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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