My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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