dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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