Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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