then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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