Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
