he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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