yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
