So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
