you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
