i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
