why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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