She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sorry my hands just texted you
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
