k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They have beer where we have blood.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
