i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
