he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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