How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
