looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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