home. puking in laundry basket.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
