I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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