i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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