Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
