Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
