not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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