My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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