Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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