I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
