you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
