soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
