discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
