I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
