allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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