I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
