Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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