i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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