he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
