I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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