What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
