I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
