Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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