get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We just shotgunned beers for America
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
