I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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