i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
