Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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