She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
