Are we in a gay sports bar?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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