dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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