dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
