Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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