Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
