I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
