Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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